MoneyWiseWomen

Welcome to Money Wise Women Online Community

Seven years ago I took early retirement from my PR job with the Social Security Administration after reading the quote "Our purpose in life is to find our gift, perfect it and give it back to others." I founded Money Wi$e Women and made it my personal mission to educate and empower women to live financially healthy.

Women who attend Money Wi$e Women Conferences tell us that they have learned:

• I thought I was attending a workshop with great financial information. This was so much more -- you should rename it -- Wise Women's Network.
• I am not alone.
• Small steps can be significant and have an impact. 
• Finances have been scary to me. I now have the information to make goals and decisions.
• It opened my eyes to know that I can get my finances in order and be confident that I can reach my goals. Be realistic.
• I feel empowered to create positive change in my life and now realize I cannot afford to wait any longer.

Don't Let Money make the Passion Fade!

By Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil

Passion is not to be confused with love, but it still is an important part of a relationship – and it's important to understand WHY it's important! Because the feelings of passion we experience – especially pronounced at the beginning of a relationship – aren't actually love, couples should be aware that the absence of passion is not the absence of love. However, losing passion in a relationship is something that should not be taken lightly. As one therapist on PsychologyToday.com described it:

“But those couples who have failed to keep the passion alive can sometimes resemble a stagnant pond that has no fresh water coming in or going out --- the relationship just sort of sits there.  It isn’t going anywhere and it certainly doesn’t have enough freshness to it to bring life.”

Especially once you've been in a committed relationship for a while, it's easy to get to that point of stagnation. Life is busy and demanding. There are frequently careers in the picture, perhaps kids, home ownership, financial demands and stress, family issues, and much more. I bring this topic up particularly around the holidays when – although it's a time we SHOULD be using to spend with loved ones and reignite passion in our romances – it's often instead a period of the year that is incredibly stressful and draining.

I talk about a few techniques to keep the romance alive in my book, Make up Don't Breakup, and I also use these strategies for couples that have been through an affair or feel themselves pulling away from their partner. They work in less serious circumstances to – because, let's face it, everyone in a relationship at one time or another has needed a little change to their routine. So give them a try this holiday season and focus on what's important in your life!

*Make a decision to fall in love again.
Fidelity – both sexual and financial – results from intent to REMAIN in love. These types of commitments don't just happen. A strong relationship may feel fun and exciting at first, but it's not based on those feelings! It's normal that these initial impulses start to fade, but you have to commit to growing your love stronger than it was before.

*Treat each other like you did at the beginning.
Why does it seem to be the case that we only hurt the ones we love? We tend to show our “best selves” to the people who play less-important roles in our lives. Aside from learning to be nice to each other again, and learning to treat each other respectfully, bring back things that you did when you first met – and feel free to spice it up – go back to the honeymoan! Make these activities your top priority!

*A touch CAN be magical!
It can get your hormones flowing and build attraction. Rediscover romance by bringing physical connection – at whatever lever you're comfortable with – back into your life.

*Give up your old money relationships
Just as you would have to do if you had an affair and decided to work things out with your partner, you must give up your old ways of dealing with money and re-map these problem areas with healthy habits.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (http://doctorbonnie.com) is internationally acclaimed and one of America's best-known relationship experts; named by New York Magazine as one of the city's top therapists. You can also sign up for her Newsletter.

Dr. Bonnie has appeared on a three part series on The Today show, CBS Saturday Early Show, Oprah!, and CNN. Her work has also been featured in Good Housekeeping, The New York Times, New York Daily News, USA Today, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, People and many others.

Why it’s Important NOT to be Irreplaceable

Early in my career I was given a piece of interesting advice.  The advice came from an older man who had been at that company for many years.  He told me, “You need to learn to hold back some of your knowledge and not share it with others so that management will see you as irreplaceable.  You tend to share too much of your knowledge with other people.  You should try and make yourself irreplaceable.”  Hmm…I thought.  Should I really believe him?

Surviving the Holiday Season without Accumulating Debt

Last month I shared ways to trim your spending and promised to share more ways to make your money last without worrying – “There’s too much month at the end of the money”.

The holiday season is upon us and it’s time to determine your plan on getting through the holiday season without accumulating debt or more debt. The trick is to take the time to sit down and make a plan. My husband and I recently drove to and from Las Vegas. The day we left Las Vegas we drove 30 miles out of the way because neither of us looked at the map to determine a plan. Not only did we drive 30 miles the wrong way – we had to drive 30 miles back – to get back on track. I was so disgusted because it added an extra hour onto our already long drive home. The moral of the story – take time to determine a plan. 

This Halloween, Take off Your Mask

By: Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil

We all wear different types of masks for different types of occasions – and I'm not just talking about what we put on for Trick-or-Treat! We're worried about peoples' perception of us in various situations and circumstances and so we alter our behavior – whether slightly or drastically – depending on who we're with, how self-conscious we are, the way we want people to perceive us, and the list goes on and on. It can be as simple as changing our tone of voice or manner of dress depending on who were with – or as complicated as telling a lie for whatever reason. For the purpose of this post I'm going to focus on some of the major lies we tell our partners, and what we can do about it. In relationships, “masks” tend to manifest themselves in two major ways: Finances and Fidelity.

Why is it so hard to listen to my whispers?

Just a week ago I thought I was going to die. I had been sick with the flu and was having trouble breathing. It was a horrible feeling not to catch my breath. All I could think about was I wasn’t ready to die. I hadn’t done everything I wanted to do. I didn’t know what that was; I just knew I hadn’t done everything. And, yet seven years ago I stepped outside my comfort zone when I took early retirement and founded Money Wise Women. I thought – that was my gift, my passion, my purpose. This year has been really hard for Money Wise Women and me, personally. I don’t feel the same spark and fire as when I started the organization. Our conference participation is lower than it’s ever been and the organization is struggling financially. Try as I might to get my enthusiasm back, it’s just not there. I realized this summer – in an AHA moment – that it was time to let Money Wise Women go. But, it’s hard to let go of something I created and worked so hard to build so I decided to give it one more year. Was this the right decision? Am I getting my whispers, my brick on the back of the head or the EARTHQUAKE? Is God frustrated with me for not listening? It sure felt that way last Tuesday when my husband, Steve took me to the Emergency Room. Seven years ago I didn’t listen to my whispers and I had a meltdown – a three week stay at home to take care of Marcia. And, yet here I am again -- with a much stronger message that it’s time for a change. What I know for sure -- I want to continue speaking at women’s conferences to educate and empower them to take control of their finances!

You might think I’m rambling and perhaps I am, but I decided to share this with you in hope that you’ll learn from my mistakes and avoid making them yourself. I don’t know what’s going to happen with Money Wise Women or myself, but I can tell you it’s time for me to pay attention to my whispers. Life changes, we change, what we want changes and it’s incredibly important to listen and pay attention. I’ve been given a second chance and plan to spend the next few weeks determining what’s important to me. My intention is to go into 2010 with a plan for Marcia. Thanks for listening. I’ll keep you updated on my progress.


Warmly,

Marcia

If I'm Working So Hard, Why Am I Always Broke?

Several months ago I read a story One Family’s Sudden Fall from Comfort to Despair. One day Patrick Robbins was earning $110,000 a year and the next day he was laid off with no severance pay for a company he’d worked at for 22 years. Within a week his family was on Medicaid and had applied for food stamps. In Patrick’s own words – from middle class to poor immediately. He had no emergency fund and his unemployment only covered the mortgage. He and his wife gathered their children (ages 6, 10, 11 and 13) together to explain the situation. It’s the first time he ever cried in front of his children. Patrick eventually got a new job in another city and the family moved. I was moved by Patrick’s wife comment “If someone breaks a leg, you can sympathize, but you don’t know how it feels until it happens to you.” The Robbins’ story is not uncommon today. If it hasn’t happened to you it’s probably happened to someone you know.

We Must Invest in Our Women -- Especially in Hard Times

Today's Seattle Times (October 10, 2010) had an Op Ed about Investing in our women especially in hard times. The authors said "As community members, we too must invest in women. Whether you choose to act with your wallet, your time, or both, your action will make a difference. The critical role that women play in maintaining our families and community demands that we identify solutions that will foster not only an equitable recovery, but also innovative long-term solutions for women and girls -- and ultimately for all of us."

Is Your Small Business Prepared for the H1N1 Influenza?

You’ve worked hard to build your small business.  Are you prepared to protect it from the H1N1 influenza?  In September, the Department of Homeland Security urged small businesses to come up with a plan that will allow them to operate when a number of their employees become infected with the H1N1 virus - so that their business operations will not be interrupted.  Is your plan ready? 

The Five “Cs” of Success According to Indra Nooyi, Chairman and CEO of PepsiCo

I’ve been following the career progress of Indra Nooyi for some time now because I believe she’s an outstanding role model for working women.  For those of you not familiar with Indra, she's the product of a middle-class family in India with a stay-at-home mother and an accountant father.  She speaks seven languages and arrived in the USA in 1978 for postgraduate work at the Yale School of Management.  After working for the Boston Consulting Group, Motorola, and ABB, she joined PepsiCo in 1994.

 

Bump-a-Holic

By Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil

I've written earlier about the craze that seems to be infiltrating many communities and homes, creating less than ideal conditions for babies and parents: the bumpaholic. And I believe this type of pregnancy can be less than ideal for several reasons.

* It's for the wrong reasons. We've all heard about the more common situations under which a pregnancy isn't a good idea, even if it's planned. Things like getting pregnant to keep the man, to try and save the relationship, or to create a bigger purpose in your life. But here's another ill-advised reason to procreate: an attempt to recapture those feel-good hormones  people experience during pregnancy along with the attention from friends and family.

Women in these situations should look at the reasons why they're desiring this type of attention and endorphin rush. In my book, Make up, Don't Breakup I talk about why relationships stagnate and then go south and investigate ways to keep this from happening. If you're searching for attention and connection, examine that with your partner before you bring another person into your lives!

* It's financially stressful. Sure, there's never a PERFECT time to have a baby, but naturally certain times are better than others! With the financial strain many of us are facing now, it's simply not wise to add and additional financial burden to the equation. Which brings me to my next point.

* Doing so can create strain in a relationship. In many Bumpaholic situations, the women often strongly desires a child while the man may be more reticent. Pressuring a partner into having a baby can be one of the most dangerous forms of financial infidelity. Not only can it easily become a point of contention between partners, it can also present an unhealthy and volatile environment to bring a kid into.

* It's denying feelings at the core. I touched on this in my first point, but when it comes to feel-good hormones and attention paid to us, it's only natural to want more! We have a biochemical craving for connection, as I mention in my book Financial Infidelity, that spurs us on to want to connect with the important people in our lives. When those needs aren't met by our parents, we can try to overcompensate for that as we become parents ourselves, by looking to create a large family. Or it can be a reflection of the abandonment people feel from their significant other, or from life in general. As our society becomes busier and busier we pull away more and more from the relationships that should be an integral part of our lives. Creating a baby with someone not only allows us to feel close to that person, but gives us someone to lavish our affection, emotion and energy on.

These are all dangerous reasons for bringing kids into the world! Just as alcoholics must examine their relationship to alcohol and what drives them into the destructive habit, so too must a mom looking for fulfillment through pregnancy look at her reasons for doing so.